"Things are starting to get a little weird..." (c)

If you need translation on some particular point, just ask.

Well in fact, they are not starting to get weird, they ve been weird for a certain period of time. And not only do I mean my world and my surrounding (words of an egoist....) but also other worlds and reality in general. And it is far not good that I keep writing in english as it means that something is too difficult to say in russian.
This weekend was also bright in some way. I want my fate to know, that I didn't ask for that brightness and I didn't want such contrast in my life. I am simple man with simple needs. Yet what I get is always far from what I want.
I ll try to make it clear. Very damn clear.
1) I ve learned a lot about a person. Now I cannot stop thinking about it as I consider things, I ve got to know, terribly wrong. This is not my lfe so
I am not the one to correct those things. I would really like to help but my help is not needed. Either because it is my help, or because it is only me who thinks that it so extremely wrong.
You'd better never know how is it - to have inner discussion about someone else' life for hours.
2) I ve also learned some things about myself. And I cannot even leave now. Not like I do not want to anymore, but I just can't. Even this little hope of escape was taken from me. And it is my own fault - I have some little feeling inside, called "duty" and this stupid feeling now knows something that keeps me here. It is nearly blackmail and I am both the criminal and the victim. Damn you, duty!
3) I have envy for others' happiness. Not only my friends' but others' in general. This feeling grows and gets stronger every day. Why do only negative feelings grow so easy..?
4) Hope comes and leaves, comes and leaves. Never stays and never evolves into reality. Always leaving in the middle of my expectations, it may even make me get used to it. Why does it have to be so complicated? It is past time I should've stopped lying to myself. Some people simply do not deserve more. I am among them.
5) It is not the first time someone suggests me to get rid of my principles. All at once. Like it is going to make my life easier. Maybe it can, but there are 3 main ones: no smoking, no alcohol and no suicide. I wonder how ironic it may be if I end up as a drunkard who was found dead with veins cut, and with cigarette in hand. So I shall never get rid of my principles. They are not just part of me, they formed me, they are me. Get used or get lost!
6) Reading all of above you may think that my life is really not going well now. It is true but there are also good moments in it, it's just like I cannot catch em. I am an idiot who sees world in dark colors. I am currently thinking about changing lifestyle to gothic one. Seriously.
7) I was told that I am needed by some people. I disagree. Especially now, when all I do is neverending complaining. I strongly doubt anyone may depend on such kind of person. If I am too blind, and such people do exist in this weird world of mine, I apologize.

I currently have no internet. This post was sent from my father's laptop.